Mr Housewife
by Kaidou
Summary: Kaoru needs help with her femininity, so her friend hires an expert 'housewife' to help. KxK
1. Chapter 1

**Mr. Housewife**

Author's Note: Hello everyone! I just got this finished and wanted to share with you all. Please enjoy and tell me what you think! ^_~*

Disclaimer: I don't own RK.

Chapter 1

* * *

Kaoru stared blankly at the smiling redhead on her doorstep.

"And you are…?"

Before the man could formulate a response, Kaoru's eyes narrowed. "You look suspicious. Are you a solicitor?"

"No, no," still smiling, he waved his hands in placation. "I'm a professional housewife."

That just made her more suspicious. Her eyes narrowed further, but before she could slam the door in his face, he said quickly. "I'm supposed to tutor you. Normally, I teach basic manners and domestic skills, but Sano said I should focus on your cooking."

"Sano sent you?"

At the mention of her sometimes-friend and sometimes-soon-to-be-dead-friend, Kaoru gave the man - or was it a woman? a pointed look. If he - she - it, whatever, was here because of Sano, then Kaoru needed to clear this up quickly.

"Listen, you're wasting your time. Just forget about whatever Sano told you and go home."

"I can't do that Kaoru-dono. I was already paid."

"Paid?" Kaoru gaped. "Sano paid you? A moocher like him?"

"Yes…?" obviously her 'tutor' wasn't sure what to make of her reaction, or the dark look that was slowly creeping onto her face.

With a dangerous smile, Kaoru extended her hand.

"Give me your phone."

Wisely, the pretty red haired man… woman - gah! forget it! reached into a pocket and handed her a phone.

Almost crushing the innocent plastic, Kaoru started punching numbers. She wasn't stupid enough to call Sano using her phone when he had caller ID. The idiot knew she'd be pissed.

Glaring at the fidgeting redhead in front of her, who was smart enough to look nervous, Kaoru was greeted by a loud voice after the fifth ring.

"Yo, Kenshin! How'd it go?"

"_Sano!_"

There was a long pause.

"Don't you dare hang up on me." Kaoru warned, knowing that's exactly what he was about to do. "If you hang up, I'll hunt you down and settle this in person."

There was an even longer pause.

"Sano…"

"I was just remembering how to breathe." Sano laughed, sounding a little strained. "I'm not going to hang up, Missy."

Kaoru waited.

He cleared his throat. "Erm… so you don't like my gift?"

"Of course not!" She burst. "What the hell Sano! I don't need someone telling me what's wrong with my life! Take your gift back!"

"But I already paid -"

"Get a refund!"

There was a tap on her shoulder. Kaoru glared at the redhead suddenly standing next to her. "What?"

"I don't give refunds, Kaoru-dono."

There was a snicker on the other side of the phone.

"Sorry, Missy." Sano said, not sounding sorry at all. "But your stuck. And because Kenshin takes work seriously, it looks like you two will be spending a lot of time together. Do your best!"

The line went dead.

Silence.

Then…

"_Damn it_, Sano! You _prick!_"

Kaoru threw the phone on the ground. She raised a foot and stomped on it - repeatedly.

"Um…"

After a minute, a tentative voice broke through her rage. Kaoru blinked, looking at the redhead still on her doorstep, then at the finger he was pointing… right down at her foot.

"Can I have my phone back?"

Kaoru followed his finger and carefully lifted her foot. She stared at the remains of the mangled piece of plastic.

Oops.

* * *

I almost feel bad for killing that phone... it died such a horrible death. ::laughs:: Poor Kenshin's going to have his hands full. And as for Kaoru... well, it won't be a walk in the park for her either. But it'll be fun. ^_^


	2. Chapter 2

**Mr. Housewife**

Author's Note: Thank you everyone for the warm support!

Disclaimer: I don't own RK.

Chapter 2

* * *

Kaoru glowered at her tea. The redhead sitting across from her still had that stupid smile on his face.

"It's alright. I'm not mad at you."

She refused to look at him.

"Really Kaoru-dono." he said, trying to cheer her up. "When Sano asked me to help you, he gave me hazard pay, and I have insurance."

She snapped a glare at him. "Are you mocking me?"

"N-no."

He hurriedly picked up his tea and took a sip. Kaoru huffed, about to do the same when Kenshin froze.

"This tea -"

For a moment, he stared into his cup with a tense face, then he looked up and smiled sheepishly.

"- is really bitter, Kaoru-dono."

She scowled and drummed her fingers on the low table. Kenshin panicked and took another hurried sip. Points for effort. But honestly, it wasn't any of his… her… come to think of it, was Kenshin really a guy? The redhead had a face that could pass for either a delicate-looking male or slightly masculine female, even with the scar. And that polite voice…

"Are you a girl?"

SPLURT!

Kenshin hacked violently as he choked on his tea.

"O-oro?"

"Are you a girl?" she repeated, looking pointedly at his chest.

"N-no. I'm not a girl, Kaoru-dono." cheeks a faint pink, Kenshin shifted uncomfortably. "I have a fiancé actually. It's how I met Sano. She introduced us."

"Oh." Well, at least she knew he was a guy now. "And Sano really hired you?"

Kenshin nodded. "Yes. He wanted Kaoru-dono to learn cooking."

She propped her chin in a hand and frowned. "Don't bother." She told him blandly. "You're just going to waste time."

"I don't give up on clients, Kaoru-dono."

Kaoru blinked. The sudden declaration surprised her.

Setting down his cup, Kenshin stood from the low table and bowed. "Thank you for the tea. I will visit Thursday to begin our lessons at noon."

"W-wait!"

Kaoru stumbled over her cushion. She got to her feet and followed Kenshin to the front door.

"I never agreed to any of this! It was Sano's idea, not mine!"

"That may be true," Kenshin turned, a gentle look on his face. "But I made a promise to help Kaoru-dono, that I did."

She just stared at him.

Kenshin smiled and opened the door. "I'll see you Thursday, Kaoru-dono."

* * *

The gym was on the sixth floor of the high rise building of Tokyo Fitness Center. In the corner of the brightly lit room, Kaoru saw Sano at the punching bags and marched over with an air of purpose. He hadn't notice her, and after about a minute, she grabbed a bottle of water and threw it at his head.

"Ow! Who threw that?!" Sano turned sharply, but when he saw Kaoru, his anger instantly vanished. "Oh… hey there, Missy."

She crossed her arms.

"Still mad, huh?" he gave her a lopsided grin, but she continued to glare. "What?"

"Why did you hire Kenshin?"

He shrugged. "Because you're a horrible cook."

"Hey!"

"And you need to learn some girl things." He added. "You won't find a decent guy if you can't even make rice without burning it."

Kaoru fumed. She hated when he was right.

"Besides," he ruffled her. "Kenshin's an expert. So you might as well learn from the best."

She swatted his hand. "You just want to eat my cooking without dying."

He flashed a grin. "That too." Grabbing the bottle on the floor, Sano unscrewed the cap to take a drink. "Anyway, just go along with it. Everything's already paid for."

"Which reminds me," Kaoru eyed him suspiciously. "How did you get money to pay Kenshin?"

"Uh…" he wouldn't look at her. "I found it?"

"Sano!"

"It was just a joke!" he backed up when Kaoru raised a fist. "Really! Don't worry about it, okay?"

She narrowed her eyes at him.

"Really," he said again, putting a few extra feet between them in case Kaoru decided to lunge for his throat. "I didn't gamble it. I just... borrowed it from a friend."

He was lying to her. Kaoru knew it.

She did!

But damn it, he was still getting off the hook.

"Ugh. You're impossible."

* * *

They're such good friends, aren't they? ^_^ I wasn't planning to write Sano until next time, but things turned out better like this. Thanks again for the comments, you guys rock!


	3. Chapter 3

**Mr. Housewife**

Author's Note: It took me a long time, huh? But ah... it's a long chapter! So maybe you'll forgive me?

Disclaimer: I don't own RK.

Chapter 3

* * *

Kenshin knocked on Kaoru's front door… for the fifth time.

"Hello? Kaoru-dono? It's Kenshin."

The door swung open to a disgruntled looking Kaoru. She had dark circles under her eyes and a frown on her face.

Kenshin beamed. "Good afternoon, Kaoru-dono!"

"Who said it was good?" she eyed the bags in his hands. "What's that?"

He held them up. "I brought groceries. I thought we could make lunch together."

"I don't cook, Kenshin."

He wasn't deterred. "It's alright. I'll walk you through the steps."

Before Kaoru could protest, Kenshin slipped off his shoes and happily ushered her to the kitchen. He set the bags on the counter. "What would you like for lunch?" he turned to her cheerfully.

Kaoru sighed. "Grilled fish and miso." Damn, the idea of food made her hungry. "Rice too."

He nodded at her. "Alright. Just give me a second."

Before Kaoru could ask, Kenshin reached into a bag and pulled out a pink apron... with frills. For a horrified moment, Kaoru thought he'd make her wear it.

Then he put it on.

"Let's start with the fish." Kenshin said, searching the bags again. "It will take the longest to cook, and if we get it done first, everything else will be ready to eat at the same time."

Kaoru gave him an overly sweet smile, lips twitching. Don't laugh. Don't laugh.

"The fish need to be run under cold water," he continued. "Then soaked in sake before adding salt. We pat them dry after that." He held up two wrapped fillets. "Do you like mackerel?"

Kaoru hid a laugh behind a cough. "S-sure I do." Crap. It was hard keeping a straight face.

He smiled. "Good." Before Kaoru could react, the fish was shoved in her hands. "They need to sit at room temperature for a bit, so don't put them in the oven after you're done."

Wait. She stilled. What the hell? He wanted her to make it? Was he crazy!?

Apparently so. Because Kenshin had already preheated the oven and was searching the bags again, looking for the rice and miso. Kaoru huffed. Fine. She grabbed a bowl from the drying rack then unwrapped the fillets. If he wanted her to prepare fish she'd prepare fish. She just needed the sake right?

Hmm. Sake. Sake. Ah! Kaoru poured it in the bowl, then added the fish a second later. She paused. Didn't Kenshin say to run them under cold water first?

"Are you finished, Kaoru-dono?"

"Y–yes."

Patting the mackerel dry, she set them on a plate before using salt… or maybe it was sugar? She hadn't checked. "What's next? The miso?"

"Rice." He corrected, opening a cupboard. "Do you have a cooker?"

"It blew up."

Kenshin whipped his head to her. "Oro?!"

She met his eyes. The look that dared him to say more.

"Well, uh…" He gave her a nervous smile. It suddenly felt like he was in the presence of a dangerous oni. "That's alright." He forced out. "What about a strainer? And a heavy pot with a lid?"

She huffed but pointed where to look, and Kenshin crouched to stick his head in a cabinet.

"… Kaoru-dono?"

The tentative voice made her suddenly wary. "Yeah?"

He held up a strainer, the plastic melted. Oh. She forgot about that. "I have more than one." Kaoru said defensive, crouching next to him. That had been a cooking accident from last week actually. She'd forgot to turn the burner off. "It should be… um…"

There were none. Kaoru tried the cupboard next to it. Then the next. It took her and Kenshin ten minutes to find another strainer and a decent pot that wasn't scorched at the bottom. Food wasn't the only thing that suffered from her cooking, and the graveyard of pots and pans said as much.

Kenshin had looked absolutely horrified.

Sitting on the counter, Kaoru kicked her legs as he poured rice in a bowl of cold water, stirring it with his hand to wash off the starch.

"Hey, Kenshin," she started. "Why are you a housewife?"

He seemed to ponder for a moment. He looked thoughtful. "Because this one enjoys helping people."

"I don't get it."

He looked up, his smile gentle.

"If it is possible to help others in life, that is what this one intends." His smile turned sheepish and he pointed behind her. There was rice stuck to his hand. "The fish should be ready now. Can you dry them off, Kaoru-dono?"

She blinked. "But I already did."

"Soaking them in sake and adding salt makes the flesh denser," Kenshin told her. "But they would have expelled moister since then. It's necessary to wipe it off."

"And then they go in the oven, right?"

"Yes." He poured the water out using the strainer. "Just spray the pan with oil first so they don't stick."

Kaoru nodded and hopped off the counter. Might as well. It wasn't like she was doing anything except watching Kenshin clean rice.

Her 'tutor' was chopping at the cutting board when she finished, the rice already on the stove. For a moment, Kaoru hovered by his shoulder to watch.

"How do you do that?" she asked suddenly.

Kenshin paused in his work. "Do what?"

"Make it look so easy. I always get cut when I do this." Kaoru looked at the perfectly thin slices of green onion and tofu cubes for the miso soup. "Mine never look that good either."

He considered for a moment. "You just need a steady hand." With deft fingers, he flipped the knife and offered Kaoru the handle. "Here."

She stared at it.

"It's alright, Kaoru-dono." Kenshin gave her a smile in return. "No one notices the shape of the vegetables in soup."

She snapped a glare at him. Was that an insult? If he – no. Kenshin looked perfectly sincere at cheering her up. Urgh. "Whatever," she muttered, then added louder. "I'll make the broth." She didn't feel like bleeding all over the food anyway.

Snatching the box off the counter, she left Kenshin stranded with a knife blade between his fingers.

"Let's see..." Kaoru read the instructions on the back.

It didn't look like anything difficult. And she was done before Kenshin even finished chopping. Having nothing to do, she tapped her impatiently, then flicked her eyes to the covered pot on the stove. "Hey, shouldn't we check the rice?" Kaoru asked suddenly, already lifting the lid. "It looks done."

"Don't let the steam out Kaoru-dono."

"Oh!" She put it back quickly. "Sorry." She smiled sheepish. "I guess it still needs to cook, huh?"

"If the water is gone, the burner can be turned off." Kenshin stated. He was actually kind of worried to see Kaoru standing by the stove while they cooked. He hadn't forgotten the massacre of pots and pans earlier.

Peaking under the lid again, Kaoru shut it off. "Yeah. It's gone." At least she thought it was.

"And the broth?"

Kaoru checked that too. "Already boiling." She turned it down to simmer. "We can add the tofu now."

His brow knit. "But the miso paste goes in first."

Oops. "I knew that." She lied quickly. Kenshin just looked at her funny. "What?"

"Nothing." He held up his hands. "I'll just set out the plates and bowls."

Kaoru scowled at his back. That was to polite. Even for him. Muttering under her breath, Kaoru grabbed the miso paste. At least she wasn't the one wearing a frilly pink apron. Geez, how did his masculinity stand it?

"We can take the fish out now, Kaoru-dono." Kenshin declared suddenly. "It should be done."

Nodding, Kaoru dropped the tofu cubes in the miso. "Got it." She said, backing up a step so he could open the stove.

His eyes widened when he saw the pan.

"Uh…"

"What is it? What's wrong?"

Kaoru was at his side in an instant. "You... used a lot of oil, Kaoru-dono." He murmured. The fish was practically swimming it. "Why so much?"

She frowned. "I was worried they might stick," then added silently. 'Or burn.'

"You don't need to be so cautious." Kenshin said kindly. He placed the pan on the counter. "I'll just pat these dry a bit. Can you set the rice out? Don't worry about the miso, I can finish it."

Her forehead creased, but she shrugged. "Okay."

Lunch was quickly dished up after that, the plates and bowls arranged neatly on the low table in her living room. Kenshin stepped from the kitchen with their tea and sat down.

With an anxious expression, Kaoru grabbed her chopsticks and waited for Kenshin to take the first bite.

He froze.

"What do you think? Not bad, right?"

Kenshin forced himself to swallow the fish in his mouth. It was really sweet – like sugar. "I-it's a very unique taste, Kaoru-dono." He managed, and her shoulders immediately slumped.

"Just admit it, Kenshin." She bowed her head. "My cooking is horrible."

He looked at her worried. "It's not that bad."

Kaoru slammed down her chopsticks, making the redhead jump. "Get out." She growled. "Just get out."

"But –"

His concern only aggravated her. "Out!" She surged to her feet. "I said leave!"

Apparently his welcome was spent. Because Kenshin barely had time to grab his shoes before Kaoru shoved him out the door in his socks. He turned to face her. But his goodbye cut-off when she promptly slammed the door in his face. He winced.

That... had ended badly.

* * *

So the first lesson didn't work out very well. But Kenshin won't give up. He promised to help make her more feminine, and cooking is just the first step! And of course, there won't be a story if he gave up so soon ;D Review please!


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